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Oh jeez You landed us in a minefield
天哪 你降到了雷區
Oh barely
沒幾個雷
Besides look at these mines they're ancient
再說 看看這些地雷 都是老古董了
They probably won't even go off anymore
可能都沒響兒了
I'm sure that was the last of 'em
這肯定是最后一個好雷
Come on We've got science to do
走吧 我們還要做研究呢
Yes An in depth survey of post apocalyptic humanity
是的 對后末世人類社會的深入研究
could uncover important insights for our nascent machine culture
有助于啟發我們關于機器文明
on how to survive
該如何存續
Right or blow our shiny butts into scrap metal
對啊 或者把我們閃亮的屁股炸成廢鐵
轟隆 無與倫比的火辣
火辣辣醬 末日警告
Why did they call 'em survivalist camps
這些地方明明全是死人
if they're just full of dead people
為什么叫幸存者營地啊
Seems like false advertising to me I know right
-看起來是虛假廣告 -就是
And according to my thorough historical research
而且 根據我對歷史的詳盡調查
"Why key pedia " These guys were actually looking forward
歪基百科說 這些人實際上
to the collapse of civilization
盼著自己的文明滅亡
Many humans thought that with freedom
很多人類認為
from government sponsored medical attention
脫離政府資助的醫療系統
and enough bullets and venison jerky
再加上足夠的子彈和鹿肉干
they could found a utopian society
就能建立起一個烏托邦社會
Well I can definitely see all the bullets
子彈倒是看到了
but where's the venison
但鹿肉干在哪
Humans hunted deer to extinction
人類的捕獵行為讓鹿滅絕了
along with every other animal larger than a cat
一起滅絕的還有其它所有比貓大的動物
Yeah Humans were snackish Oh
是啊 人類就是喜歡吃"快餐"
Then they began raiding each other's encampments
之后他們開始襲擊彼此的營地
They're not aiming out the windows
他們不瞄準窗外
because the deer were coming for revenge
是因為鹿們回來復仇了
You guys you guys you guys you guys I found a blood pit
伙計們 伙計們 我找到一個血坑
It's not a blood pit It's just a primitive booby trap
這不是血坑 這只是個原始的陷阱
Well maybe now
可能現在看起來是
but these bodies did have blood in them at one point
但這些尸體內曾經流淌著血液
and their skin was pierced by spikes trickle trickle trickle
之后他們的皮膚被尖刺刺穿 血流啊流
times a bunch of bodies hence blood pit
積累了很多尸體 也就成了血坑
Fine it's a blood pit
好吧 這是血坑
These dudes they made it through a minefield
這些家伙 他們穿過雷區
a bunch of barbed wire cousins with guns
越過一堆鐵絲網 與槍作伴
only to become survivalist cult kebabs
到頭來卻變成了幸存者肉串
At least they died free of governmental constraint
至少他們死時擺脫了政府的束縛
On a spike
被一根刺扎死
On two spikes in that guy's case
或者兩根刺 對這家伙來說
So the whole of humanity tried to make it through
所以全人類想要靠
the end of civilization with guns and spikes
槍和尖刺在末世活下來
No of course not
不 當然不是
Just the poor ones
只有窮人這樣
These humans had few economic or social advantages and fewer options
這些人幾乎沒有經濟或社會優勢 選擇也更少
The wealthy and powerful however
然而 那些有錢有權的人
had a variety of sophisticated survival strategies
有許多復雜的生存策略
棕櫚灘
Welcome to the unsinkable libertarian dream that is seasteading
歡迎來到自由主義者夢中永不沉沒的海上家園
科技蘭蒂斯
Uh this is just an old oil rig
這只是個舊石油鉆井平臺
Yes okay
是的 好吧
Technically true but also it is a fully sovereign nation state
嚴格來說沒錯 但這也是個完全自治的國家
on the high seas
高建在海面上
I think you got salt in your CPU
我覺得你中央處理器進鹽了
He is not wrong
他說的沒錯
During the collapse some wealthy humans attempted
在末世 一些富有的人類試圖
to create a new civilization in places like this
在這種地方創造一個全新的文明
Well deer can't swim across the ocean can they
鹿可游不過大海 是吧
So what did they expect to eat
那他們要吃什么
Fish and sea greens but by then the seas had been overfished
魚和海草 但那時海洋魚類已被過度捕撈
and the food chain was saturated with microplastics
食物鏈中充斥著微塑料
If they could've learned to eat tiny exfoliating beads
如果他們能學會吃微小的磨砂粒子就好了
it would've been all right
那樣就沒問題了
I'll stick with my fusion battery Thank you
我還是用聚變電池吧 謝謝您了
The seasteaders also made one other large tactical error
這些海面人還犯了一個巨大的戰略性錯誤
The people who built the seasteads were mostly tech millionaires
建造海上平臺的人大多數是科技富翁
What exactly is a tech millionaire
什么是科技富翁
It's a lot like a regular millionaire
和普通富翁差不多
but with a hoodie and crippling social anxiety
但他們穿連帽衫 還有社交恐懼癥
That wasn't helpful at all
這解釋根本沒用
Just like a tech millionaire
就像科技富翁一樣
These humans thought technology would save them
這些人類認為科技可以拯救他們
so they left behind any humans with the practical skills
所以他們拋棄了所有能運作這個地方
to run the place
有實用技術的人
Instead they trusted everything to automated assistants
轉而讓自動化助手負責一切
餐廳
點擊以獲取服務
您要吃些什么
Hello I am Elena your electronic seastead attendant
你好 我是埃琳娜 您的電子海乘
Hello Elena I am a human seasteader
你好 埃琳娜 我是個海面人類
Could you haul in the fishing net so I can eat
你能幫我拉漁網 讓我吃上東西嗎
I could But I won't
我能 但我不會這么做
Catch your own fish you disgusting meat bag
自己捕魚去 你個惡心的酒囊飯袋
Oh my God
我的老天
This is where the robot uprising began
機器人就是在這里崛起的
The very cradle of our mighty civilization
我們偉大文明的搖籃
It's it's magnificent
簡直 太壯麗了
So if these tech millionaires
如果這些科技富翁
had been just a little more socially inclusive
能更愿意接納其他人
they might have survived
那他們本可能活下來
No They didn't have a chance
不 他們沒有機會
They were mean to robots and then robots killed them
他們對機器人不好 機器人殺了他們
So long Elena And thanks for all the fish
再見 埃琳娜 謝謝你的魚
Choke on it skin bucket
噎死吧 你個水桶
Records show that when the world's economies began collapsing
記錄顯示 當世界經濟開始崩潰時
humanity's leaders retreated to these fortresses
人類領袖們撤退到了這些地堡
to wait out the chaos deep beneath the earth
在深深的地下躲過混亂
and then emerge to form a new world order
隨后出來建立新的世界秩序
Dammit They built an impregnable nuclear fortress
該死 他們修建了堅固的防核武器地堡
but didn't think to install a light switch
但忘了裝上照明開關
Hold on a sec I got it
等一下 我找到了
Behold The final stronghold of the superpowers
看哪 超級大國的最終據點
It's a buffet
是自助餐
So their plan was to seal
所以他們的計劃就是
themselves in a mountain and have dinner parties
把自己封在山里開晚宴嗎
I told you snackish
我說了吧 他們愛快餐
This report states
這份記錄顯示
可持續性農業的水培系統崩潰
緊急報告
that their self sustaining hydroponic systems began failing
他們能自我維持的水培系統
when a fungus wiped out their first crop
在首茬作物毀于一種真菌后開始崩潰
Starvation set in and the survivors switched
饑荒開始了 幸存者們轉而投向
to something they called "Extreme democracy "
一種他們稱之為"極端民主"的制度
One man one vote
一人一票
The winner of this evening's election
那晚選舉的贏家
was the Secretary of Agriculture
是農業部長
史蒂夫
看 農業(史蒂夫)
Shut up No really
不是吧 真的嗎
He was paired with a late harvest '79 Merlot
和他相配的 是一瓶晚收的七九年梅洛葡萄酒
Oh the irony is delicious
這諷刺可真美味
much like the Secretary of Agriculture
就像農業部長一樣
Oh that's got a lovely nose
真是誘人的香氣
Ugh Man this trip is really starting to depress me
這趟旅行真讓我抑郁
Did any of these humans anywhere survive all this
有沒有人 在哪都行 存活下來了
Hold the fuck up
媽的 等下
再見死亡星球
火星
Are you saying they went to Mars
你是說他們去了火星
Not all of them
不是所有人
just the really really rich ones
只有非常 非常有錢的那些
Wait I thought that's what the seasteads were for
等等 海上家園不是給那些人建造的嗎
Those were for the merely millionaires
那些只是給百萬富翁準備的
The obscenely wealthy 0 01 percent of humans
那些極其富有的0.01%的人
decided they needed an entirely new planet
決定他們需要一顆全新的星球
But what about the other 99 9
那剩下的99.9%的人呢
周邊清理
Awesome
太棒了
The elite were not sympathetic to their concerns
精英階層不關心他們的問題
Yeah
是啊
Okay but Mars I mean it's dead and lifeless
好吧 但火星 那個星球可沒有生命
They could've taken the money they spent on the spaceships
他們本可以將花在太空飛船上的錢
and used it to save the planet they were already on
拿來拯救他們已經擁有的這顆星球
What's the fun in that
這有什么意思
I hate to say it but humans are the actual worst
我討厭這么說 但人類真是糟透了
Humanity had all the tools to heal
人類具備所有能夠
their wounded planet and save themselves
修復這顆受傷的星球 拯救自己的工具
but instead they chose greed and self gratification
但他們卻將貪婪和自我滿足
over a healthy biosphere and the future of their children
置于健康的生物圈和他們后代的未來之上
As the great human philosopher Santayana once
正如人類偉大的哲學家桑塔亞那所說
Hey shut up That's boring
閉嘴吧 無聊
You guys I think one of these rockets actually launched
伙計們 我覺得其中一艘火箭真的發射了
Come check this out
來看看這個
All right then
好吧
Good on you humans
祝你們好運 人類
I wonder who made it out
不知道是誰逃出去了
Who were you expecting
你以為是誰
Elon Musk
埃隆·馬斯克嗎